Everyone these days is trying to sell us the “best version of you!” or claiming your “authentic self” is something you can buy with a course or a yoga class. The truth of the matter is that being your authentic self doesn’t mean the superficial authenticity people take it for today. In order to be your most authentic self, you first have to throw off your conditioning, which is neither easy nor simple. It requires a deconstruction and reconstruction of the learned brain and emotional patterns that shape you like a mold. Water will fill a container, but its true form is a free one.

One way to begin deconditioning yourself is through shadow work.

“But Natalie!” you exclaim, a bit concerned. “What is shadow work? It sounds witchy and a little spooky!”

Well, I’m glad you asked, and I’m glad you’re here. Popularized by Carl Jung, the shadow simply represents the parts of ourselves that we cannot or refuse to see, the parts that we deny.

Imagine opening the door to a house and walking into a situation you’d find on the show Hoarders. It’s not a healthy way to live, but on an emotional level, we all do this to some degree. We can look at the shadow as a room in your house that is just absolutely overwhelming to think about, let alone walk into. We walk past it every day and mostly ignore it. Other times, we throw more stuff in there and say, “I’ll deal with it later.”

By the time “later” comes around, there are flies and roaches because things have been festering in the dark. It’s filled floor to ceiling with garbage (things that don’t serve you), clothes you’ve never worn (identities that don’t fit you), and old pictures (unprocessed experiences). Some things you don’t want to let go of, and other things you just don’t know how to let go of. Either way, it’s time to drink some metaphorical prune juice and let that shit go.

If you don’t want this mess to metastasize to the rest of your “home,” you need to start dealing with it. Anything we suppress or repress gets distorted. The lower-vibrational nature of the self isn’t inherently evil; it’s just buried. There is no unhealthy emotion, only the burying of emotion is unhealthy. When feelings aren’t allowed to see the light, they ferment into toxic survival mechanisms, projection, and unhealthy coping strategies that erode your relationships from the inside out.

To actively do shadow work is to cultivate radical self-awareness. It means identifying a wound, recognizing the subconscious survival behaviors that stem from it, and stopping those coping mechanisms in their tracks so you can bring love to where they originated. You can only clean out the room by meeting your pain face-to-face: acknowledging it, holding space for the wound, and tending to it.

Everyone is going to deal with their mess in their own way, and having a support system, whether that’s a trusted friend or a therapist, makes all the difference. Remember, it’s a process. It takes a lot of heavy lifting, but while there is pain in clearing out the clutter, there are also metaphorical pearls waiting to be reclaimed under the trash.

One difficult part of shadow work is often figuring out where to start shining the flashlight, because our defense mechanisms are so old they just feel like “normal life” to us.

“But Natalie!” you exclaim again, “What about astrology?”

I’m glad you asked. Part Deux of this article will go over some key players in the natal chart that can help us understand where we each need that metaphorical flashlight. Get excited, and check back soon.

I’ve noticed that no where among my brain droppings on this site have I really talked about myself. Maybe that’s for the best but it’s gonna change today anyway!

Hi! I’m Natalie Mithqal. My two biggest pursuits outside of motherhood are photography and astrology, in no particular order. I’m also one of those people who need music to survive.

If ya really gotta know: Aquarius Sun, Virgo Moon, Taurus Rising.

Since Venus is my chart ruler, I thought I’d shine a little light into who I am through some of the things I love.

On Astrology: My introduction to astrology happened when I was young. My grandmother was into sun sign horoscopes so I had learned early on not to trust a Gemini (jkjkjk!) I casually studied over the years but then I came across EA and everything changed.

My introduction to evolutionary astrology led me to see that astrology can go so much deeper and be so much more helpful and potentially healing to people than I had previously understood. So I decided to dive into it. I took a few courses before settling with a teacher I liked (within the Jeff Wolf Green lineage), studied with him for a few years, & went on to complete a practicum in 2020.

That same year I started work on the Star Cards! I wrote the bones of the cards with another astrologer. I designed (twice, for good measure or maybe sadism?), and wrote the content of the cards. For me the cards were a labor of love. I poured heart, soul, knowledge, and skill into the project. My favorite part was that I was able to use my visual art & design skills as well as my love and knowledge of astrology to help create a Montessori-esque learning tool.

I had so much fun making the Star Cards that I already have some new projects on the horizon!

On Photography: I wasn’t one of those kids who had photography class in high school. I grew up in Yonkers, NY. I had college chemistry and physics taking up my HS day, and unfortunately didn’t get to art much until I graduated. One of the first purchases I made after graduating was a camera. I quickly made up for lost time photographing my friends’ bands and making photo essays in cemeteries for funsies.

Since then I’ve been featured in gallery shows around the world. I’ve had the privilege of pointing my camera at Kathleen Hanna, Aimee Echo, Streetlight Manifesto, Local H, the spider that lives on my porch, the flowers I come across on walks, burlesque dancers, friends, fire breathers, and pretty much anything that tickles my fancy. I lean into color pretty heavily as there is no color without light.

My love of photography goes hand in hand with experimentation. I love working with light and shadow and color in different ways. I’m not good at tooting my own horn but I will say I think I’m sorta okay at what I can do with a camera.

The things you can see or capture while shining a little bit of light into shadow tie both my photography and my astrology together. Light balance is the common denominator in all of my work, so holla if you wanna reflect/refract with me!

Find me @NatalieMithqalPhotography on instagram.